


They say you never forget your first love

by frostycoins



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, i found this saved on my computer its from like last year, i mean i have no idea whats to come, its a college au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-18 19:42:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostycoins/pseuds/frostycoins
Summary: After so many years, Akaashi meets his old high school crush again. A coincidence, that throws him off. He had thought he's over him until he was standing there, the silver-haired boy with the hazel eyes and whimsical, toothy grin.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i was writing this paper that's due on monday and suddenly, i find this on my computer. i dont even remember writing it but i thought its not half bad so im posting it. also i promise i will continue the other fic too. though i was wondering if anyone still reads bokuaka ... or goes on ao3 - i really dont know

Some things never change.

He couldn't believe it. Surely it was a mistake. It had been too many years. Akaashi had heard that the world is small but he also knew expressions don't always match up with reality.

So it left him baffled to see that familiar face again, sitting across him in a little cafe.

He was stirring his coffee. It was raining outside. Their eyes met when he looked up. The face of a stranger turned into that of an acquaintance. His eyes softened, a smile curled around his lips.

Bokuto had always been particularly handsome when that smile slid across his face.

He stood up, his cup in his hand. With three long, struck out, steady steps, he reached Akaashi's table. He placed his cup in front of him.

"If it isn't Akaashi Keiji."

"Hello, Bokuto-san."

He looked different now. He had changed, both of them had. His new hairdo was nice. Pushed back, resting on a sharp undercut. He looked good in dark jeans.

He hadn't matured one day and yet, he had. In the eyes of the man in front of him, Akaashi saw the same boy who borrowed his pens and never returned them but at the same time, he was looking at a stranger. An unfamiliar familiar.

"Man, how many years has it been?" Bokuto asked with with a hint of nostalgia.

"Five," Akaashi answered a little too quickly. He looked down at his tea.

"So what are you up to these days?"

"I'm in college. You too, I'm assuming. What was your major again?" Akaashi asked a question to which he knew the answer.

"Sports physiology," Bokuto answered, "My last year!"

He sounded proud. Akaashi couldn't help but to smile.

"I miss the old days! Your serves were the best," Bokuto said before drinking from his coffee. He screwed up his nose.

_Not sweet enough?_

For a while they reminisced, freshening old memories. Old feelings.

"High school was strange."

"It was a good time."

"I miss the roof! And I miss the court. Fukurodani was good place."

"I remember you used to fall asleep on the roof."

"I knew you would take care of me."

"I still would.”

Silence fell. They glanced at each other, locking eyes. There it was again, that familiar sensation. Something so old, lost in the years, flourishing again. Eyes that couldn't tear away. The same old tingly feeling was back in Akaashi's stomach and suddenly, he felt like he's 17 again.

"I missed you," Bokuto said. He looked away, embarrassed. "You guys, I mean. I miss everyone in the old team. They were good people," he added. His words seemed rushed, like he was trying to deflect. He chuckled nervously, scratching his nose with a swift motion. It was a swift motion, looking more like a nervous tick. Akaashi had never seen that before. He assumed there's a lot about Bokuto that he didn't know anymore. 

"Come to think of it, Bokuto-san. It's been so many years. I think back then, you always had this feeling to you. Like everything will be fine. You were so carefree," Akaashi said nonchalantly as he stirred his tea.

Silence reoccurred. The chatter of other tables reached them, accompanied by tacky R&B music of the cafe.

_Did that come out wrong ... ?_

Akaashi checked his watch. "I have to leave now. It was nice meeting you, Bokuto-san."

Before he left, Bokuto called out for him. "You know, my number hasn't changed," he said.

"Mine hasn't either," Akaashi replied before turning away.

 

====

 

He was sure he had blown it. Not that there was anything going on to begin with but Akaashi knew he had run his mouth. These days, he would get unexpectedly blunt and sometimes, it could come across as dry. When he had left the cafe earlier, he had regretted his last words. He was convinced Bokuto was taken aback, maybe even upset by what he had said. So when Akaashi checked his buzzing phone, he wasn't expecting to get a text from Bokuto.

He had texted him a picture of his old Fukurodani jersey, folded neatly in a box. He must have been taking good care of it.

Bokuto: > _It still fits !!!_

Akaashi read the message. Twice, thrice. He locked his phone and rested it against his forehead.

 _This guy will be the death of me,_ he thought.

He had a hard time replying. Every time he typed something in return, he'd delete it, thinking it sounded goofy.

Akaashi: > _As expected of the ace._

Some time passed and Akaashi assumed the conversation had died out. He sighed. Carefully, he tapped on the little icon that was Bokuto's profile picture. It was taken at the gym. He was lifting – someone had taken the picture without him realizing, probably. His posture was nice though, accentuated by a navy running shirt that wrapped around his limbs tightly. There was no point in denying it: Bokuto was _hot_. Right when Akaashi was about to zoom in, Bokuto answered. Akaashi almost dropped his phone.

_What am I doing?_

Bokuto: >y _ou know, akaashi ..._

Bokuto: >r _eally didn't think we'd run into each other haha_

A minute later another text followed.

Bokuto: > _i was real glad_

Akaashi blinked. He reread the texts over and over again. His heart jumped. He couldn't help the heat rising to his ears and the tips of his fingers tingling.

Akaashi: > _We should get coffee together some time Bokuto-san._

Akaashi locked his phone after the reply. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves. This was Bokuto. This was his high school crush, stupid Bokuto Koutarou with that stupid smile that used to keep Akaashi up at night. For two years, Bokuto had given him the full high school crush experience. Akaashi still remembered how he had peeked at Bokuto in the showers after practice, how he had wanted to reach out and touch him, trail the shape of his body and press their lips together. He remembered all those guilty wet dreams, and the sense of shame that overwhelmed him every time he jacked off whispering Bokuto's name.

And now, years later, Bokuto was back. He had stormed back into Akaashi's life on a rainy day in a little cafe across the library. He had looked up, smiled and as their eyes met, Akaashi knew this was the beginning of something he never had gotten over.

Bokuto: >yeah! u free after this weekend?

Akaashi: _> Yes. Meet you Tuesday at 7?_

Akaashi knew he seemed too eager and that Bokuto may be busy that night. He also knew he shouldn't come off as desperate and keep his cool but he couldn't help himself. He knew Bokuto well enough to know this is worth it.

Bokuto: > _i'll be there_

Akaashi had the feeling he was falling into a pit and that pit was Bokuto Koutarou.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at first this chapter was angsty and very uncomfortable but I decided to take it to a little more lighthearted direction. i think i was in huge distress when i wrapped up the first draft but a few weeks later, it seemed way too dark. I want this to be an enjoyable read for everyone so I decided to go for a simpler style of writing, too. no shakwspeare is happening here, just two idiots finding love

When Akaashi went for a run the next morning, he realized something.

Bokuto Koutarou had stormed into his life and he was a force to be reckoned with.

Even though he was the person who hadn’t replied to Bokuto’s last text, he had checked his phone like a crazy person for the rest of last night. He had felt a constant restlessness pulsating in his limbs, running through his veins, beating in his chest.

Usually running in the morning was what helped him keep his cool and clear his mind. Yet as he took each step, he felt like sprinting. He felt restless, which wasn't something Akaashi was used to. He wanted to run somewhere, nowhere, everywhere. All he could do was pick up speed. He was excited, even ecstatic. It was as if the physical act of running didn’t satisfy the deep restlessness inside him. 

He wanted to see Bokuto again.

At the same time, he felt a nauseating sensation at the pit of his stomach. It felt as if gravity was pulling on his limbs. His body felt heavy. He knew this feeling well, better than the ecstasy. It’s what he had felt during his high school days. It was what he had felt for two years, each time he had looked at Bokuto, knowing what he wished for would never happen.

Akashi was a scared boy back then. He was scared in many ways. He had been scared of exposure and rejection. Scared of the looks people would give him. In retrospect, he knew no one would have cared if he had come out at Fukurodani. He never remembered anyone being homophobic and he knew for sure there were other students that had been vocal about their preferences, despite everything. No one had ever suffered discrimination as far as he remembered. Love is love, is what it is. That had been the common consensus among the students.

If anything, he had been a coward who thought it’s wrong to be different.

To the teenage Akaashi, coming out had never been an option for him. He would picture horrible scenarios and believed that the worst would happen. Surely people would have noticed that his eyes lingered a moment too long on his team captain, he had thought. They would have noticed his coyness whenever Bokuto lunged forward to pull him in a sporting embrace after each victory. They would have noticed Akaashi avoided Bokuto’s bare chest as much as possible. They never showered together. Akaashi would always insist to stay behind and clean up the gym. He would pick up any scattered volleyballs agonizingly slow, dragging out the actions as much as possible. He never made eye contact with Bokuto when they got dressed either.

They would have seen him and understood that Akaashi had a big fat crush on his team captain. It would have been over. People would have seen right through him if he had come out. Once people understand why you behave a certain way, they start to see everything you do in a different light, he had thought.

What he had been afraid of the most was how Bokuto would have reacted. Akaashi still pictured the hesitant, disappointed hazel eyes of someone who felt betrayed by a friend.

_So you’re like that, Akaashi? You should have told us sooner, you know ... After all, don’t you think this is weird?_

He had been afraid of hearing his captain say those words to him with cold eyes. Who knows what would have happened if word had gotten out that Akaashi swung the other way.

Suddenly he halted, slowing down his pace. He only took another few steps before placing his hand on the trunk of a ginko tree, supporting his weight. He took deep breaths as his pulse calmed down. He looked down. The tips of his sneakers were soiled and there was some dirt on his pants. He considered running another lap but he knew he was performing weak today. His tracker showed him that his speed and pulse had been very inconsistent that morning. He decided to head back to his apartment. 

On his way home, he stopped by the usual bakery he would visit every morning as a part of his routine. He would drop by so regularly that the lady working behind the counter knew him well by now. Fukanaga-san, as her name was, had first recognized him when he had moved to the area, making sure to fetch fresh bread every morning. She was a chatty, charismatic woman, not much older than Akaashi's own mother. Perhaps there was something in her eyes that even reminded him of the women in his own family. In the beginning, she would always point out Akaashi's particular handsomeness and wish for a son-in-law just as charming. Soon she stopped saying that with a knowing look, though she still claimed Akaashi to be a dashing young man. Anyhow, she did keep asking him if he had met someone every now and then, hoping for him to find love. Akaashi wondered if he looked lonely. 

When he walked in that morning, she was arranging fresh baked goods. 

"My, my, there you are. Thought you wouldn't show up today. Good morning, Keiji-kun."

"Good morning, Fukanaga-san."  


"Why, I told you, call me Himeko," she said. She would always say this, knowing exactly what Akaashi's response would be.

"I couldn't possibly," Akaashi said and he could tell from Fukanaga-san's amused expression that she was messing with him.

"Is it just me," she said as she put two carefully chosen scones in a paper bag, "Or is there something different about you today?"

Akaashi raised his eyebrows slightly, looking confused. "I don't think so."

"Mhmm, believe me, I know these things. Something ... Is different today. Oh, I know!" She snapped her finger. The joy in her eyes made her appear younger than Akaashi assumed she was. "You must have met someone!" She placed the paper bag on the counter. She soon started placing some freshly baked castella cakes in the vitrine.

"I-...," Akaashi wanted to deny such a thing but he knew he couldn't possibly fool this woman. "An old friend. We ran into each other."

"Aha, a friend? Is that so? It must be a very good friend if they have managed to put some colour in those cheeks of you." Fukanaga-san squinted her eyes knowingly as she always did when she had a hunch. Akaashi was amazed at how good she was at figuring out people. He had seen her do it with other customers. Or maybe she was very skilled at placing at educated guess.

"He used to be my team captain from high school," Akaashi answered. He hesitated. "He was a very good friend." 

Himeko stopped moving around the castella as she looked up again, something tugging at the corners of her mouth. She sighed, smiling soon after. There was something comforting about her expression.

"Let me make you a coffee on the house, how is that?" 

\----

Tuesday had been annoying. First of all, Akaashi hadn’t gotten any sleep. His mind had been filled with thoughts all night. Of course most of them were about Bokuto. The result of that was puffy eyes and tired skin in the morning. Akaashi felt exasperated. What was he getting so worked up over? He didn’t have a romantic candlelight dinner, he was supposed to meet a friend to get some coffee.

Akaashi sank into his couch and looked at the black screen of the TV he hadn’t bothered to turn on. He could make out the vague shape of a distorted image of his body in the curved space. As he tilted his own head, the reflexion in the television screen tilted its head too. He sighed and massaged his temples. 

Was it cruel that Akaashi didn’t want Bokuto back in his life? The twisting and turning in his stomach when he had layed his eyes on his former team captain at the café had made obvious that he still felt something for the boy with the hazel eyes. He knew that at this point, he couldn’t have a sincere friendship with Bokuto. Akaashi had lived an openly gay life the minute he had moved out of his parent’s house. Now his old high school crush was back. Except this wasn’t school anymore and Akaashi wouldn’t have to hide his sexuality and feelings for Bokuto. He didn’t force Bokuto to reciprocate his feelings, he knew that would never happen. Akaashi was sick of hiding his own feelings and didn’t want to be forced into a friendship that would only hurt him. It would hurt so much to have Bokuto sitting in front of him and know he will never be able to touch those lips. If he couldn’t have Bokuto, he would rather not be around Bokuto at all. Maybe he should text Bokuto right now and cancel on him ...

> hey akaashi, meet u at 7 at the cafe right??

> Yes, Bokuto-san. I’m looking forward to it. 

Akaashi sighed. He was a coward. What could he do? He wanted to see this man so bad, there was no point in denying it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry nothing really happened this chapter but you got to meet the bakery lady and that counts for something


End file.
